Saturday, January 27, 2007

Wounded Warrior

by Yayes Basares

Radiological findings:

A large soft tissue mass density with prominent vasculature, is seen off the left occipito-temporal scalp area. Note the intense but relatively inhomogenous contrast enhancement of the mass.
There is associated lytic erosion of the underlying left occipital bone.
No definite abnormal density change is seen in the brain parenchyma, cerebellum and occipital lobes appear intact.

The gray-white matter interfaces are maintained.

The eventricles and other CSF spaces are within normal.

Midline structures are not displaced.

The sellar, parasellar structures are not remarkable.

Evaluation:
Large intensely enhancing soft tissue mass, left occipito-temporal scalp area. A large soft tissue hemangioma is entertained.

K. Nee-Estuye, M.D. FPCR
Sorsogon Medical Mission Group
Hospital and Health Services Cooprative

There is a big hole in her skull. When you see the picture there is a soft tissue formed like a supot hanging from the back side of her skull and is filled with blood. Both the soft tissue forming like a supot and all its content – come through that hole. This is an inborn physical defect and was already there when I met her in 1994. At that time it was still small in size that was covered and hidden by the length of her hair. To date, its length surpasses her hair length, its size aside from what you can see covers her entire right ear and part of her right face, its weight approximately 5 kilos.

I am not a doctor and neither do I understand medical terms. But I have lived the past 12 years of my life with this woman. She is my wife.

And how I love this woman, whom I am proud to say, tamed me. The past twelve years of our marriage has always been an extreme joy for me to go home to her warm embrace knowing she prepared me a home where I can rest my tired spirit. It is my pride to have three very loving and wonderful kids grown up under the guidance of her maternal love and sacrifices. My wife is a simple woman whose little world revolves around rearing her kids and dutifully attending to her husband. It is her simple and quiet ways that endear her most to me as, best of all, she never competes with me.

How is she? She is, by God's grace, asymptomatic. No seizures, no loss of balance, no incoherent speeches, no nothing. In fact, she was a Technology and Home Economics teacher when I met her and only stopped working after our eldest suffered from bronchial asthma ever since year one. She was also a Lay Minister of the Word in our faith. She does household chores like all other "normal" housewives. It is only her physical defect that separates her from all of us, limiting her exposure as many are shocked to see her condition.

It was upon the prodding of Nono to have her medically checked a day after a pocket reunion we had together with Erwin, Junie, Collins, Henri, Dante, and Peewee last December 30, 2006.
It is this physical condition that we are hoping we could find an answer in the medical world. Mr. and Mrs. Nono Dorotan, by their kindness, indorsed us to their friend Dr. Laly Macindo who had been kind to us in extending assistance and many times going out of her way to do so. A plastic surgeon from UST together with other surgeons from Bicol Regional Training and Teaching Hospital has seen her and hoped that a plastic surgery could resolve the problem. Unfortunately, as my limited medical knowledge understands it, some more tests need to be conducted to determine any complication in her brain. The test is not available in the Bicol Region and, worse, could lead to a major medical operation. (Nono, with his big heart, has the CT Scan film and is coordinating with other radiologists to seek second opinion.)

On a personal note, this is my daily cross to carry. I have tried not to involve you. Yet I could not ignore the kindness of Nono and his wife, your concerted concern, through your text messages, and flood of sympathy all of which could be summed up by this SMS message from Rino: Yayes, I hope you will accept the idea and spirit behind this movement. Bro, with sincere gratitude, I do accept and I am deeply touched and honored to be part of Maelstrom.

My apologies that among our group I am left behind. Much has been said, but for me it is this simple:

I don't dream. Better yet, I have stopped dreaming.
I no longer recall when I lost the will to dream. What I recall is the feeling of emptiness. I cannot recollect the reason why I lost the will to dream, what I remember is the feeling of surrender.
I have stopped dreaming because at night I fear to go to bed and dream never to wake up again.

Pray tell me, how does one fly with broken wings?

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